My Chainsaw Nightmare

We didn't realize until we moved into my parent's house in the fall of 2009 what we were getting into.  Not a lot of thought went into going from 1/8 acre to 2.  We also didn't realize that many of the trees on the property were in bad shape.  Of course my thought was to hire someone but Jason had other ideas.  He could do it himself.  

I have to admit I didn't have a lot of confidence in him.  Not because I thought he wasn't capable, it was just that Jason is more of a hang out on the couch kind of man.  I knew this fact well because that's where he usually was at our old house when I was out mowing and doing yard work. 

Something about this yard must have motivated him though because many times he would come home from work and hop on the mower right away.  He said if he was on the mower he didn't have to listen to me.  That's fine, and true, but it didn't explain the subscription to TURF Magazine that began showing up in the mailbox. 

Our first spring he decided it was time to get serious about the trees.  Time to bring out the chainsaw and get down to business. I have to tell you, I hate chainsaws.  They terrify me.  Being who I am, a chainsaw brings to mind images of Jason laying on the ground minus a leg or arm.  When I tried to plead my case, he told me to stay out of it.  I decided to change my outlook and try looking on the bright side...when I  thought about it, a man wielding a large power tool looked kind of sexy.


Maybe I told him he looked good with the chainsaw because it suddenly seemed like he was pulling out the chainsaw more often than needed.  Even our neighbors started to notice.  I would be sitting on their porch and Crystal would say, "What's that sound?  Does Jason have the chainsaw out again?"

The sporadic chainsawing continued through summer and early fall.  Little by little there was improvement in the yard.  My Dad had moved home and he and Jason decided there was an old apple tree that needed to come down.  Just what I needed, another chainsaw happy man in my life. My dad set himself up in a lawn chair near the action.  I reminded Jason to be careful because I certainly didn't want my 92 year old father crushed by an apple tree while sitting in his lawn chair.  Things went smoothly and by next year we should have some nicely seasoned applewood to burn in the fireplace.  


You may be wondering why I called this a nightmare.  Well, I learned nothing gives a man with a chainsaw more confidence than successfully taking out a 15 ft. tree.  Jason informed me that next he was going to take out the 50 ft. wild cherry tree that sits between our house and the neighbors.  Huh?  I surely didn't hear him correctly. My pleading about the dangers began again and I felt my case was strong this time since the neighbor's property was involved.  Knowing Dad wouldn't be much help, I decided to talk to the Sam and Crystal.  Surely Sam could help me.  

I guess all men think alike because Sam suggested he could help by tying a rope to the tree and pulling it with his truck as Jason was making the necessary cuts.  This is not at all what I was hoping for.  The only one on my side was Sam's wife Crystal, but we were outnumbered.  At this point the only good thing about this situation was that the weather was turning cold and Jason needed a new chainsaw.  The tree would have to wait until spring. Maybe Jason would lose motivation and decide bringing in a professional wasn't such a bad idea.

So here we are just a few short weeks from spring.  Although I prayed really hard that the winds of recent weeks would take the tree down, naturally not even a twig fell.  Talk of the tree has begun again.  Jason has a new chainsaw and I have officially given up my fight.  In fact Crystal and I will probably sit in lawn chairs next to my dad and watch the show.  A pitcher of margaritas with a little extra tequila may be in order and I will have 9-1-1 on speed dial just in case.  

You can probably tell that it is the dead looking tree farthest to left. The picture doesn't do it justice.  There is a huge branch on the back side that accounts for some of the tallest parts of the tree.  That is the part that will probably land in the neighbor's yard.